Want Your Partner To Desire You More?

Are you a stage five clinger or flaky AF? Either or, it could be affecting your sex life in a surprising way.

New research published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy has found that couples with similar levels of independence in their relationship tended to have higher levels of sexual desire.

The small study of 33 different couples looked at how each person’s “differentiation of self” correlated with their lust for one another.

“Sexual desire is an important feature of optimal couple relationships but it won’t last alone for much time,” study author Luana Cunha Ferreira told PsyPost. “Both emotional intimacy and personal autonomy appear to have an important role in successful relationships and I wanted to investigate that role.”

“Differentiation of self is a trait-like personal characteristic that appear to have a major role in the quality of our relationships, as it help regulate closeness and distance. A well differentiated person can be intensely intimate with another without losing their sense of self and independence,” Ferreira explained.

Although researchers can’t draw any conclusions about cause-and-effect, it does make sense that similar views on autonomy in a coupling could affect libido.

Feeling like you’re not getting enough attention, or you’re getting too much can definitely be a turnoff, so it might be worth talking to your partner about what your expectations for independence are within a relationship.

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