I won't shut up about the Satisfyer sex toy line. How could I? The vibrator made me realize that I could squirt and provided a magical breakthrough after getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship. And now, many moons later, it sits on my bed stand to keep me armed and ready for frequent use.

Let's go back in time. I finally kicked an ex out of my apartment and scrubbed the place down, removing any remaining ex "residue." I also saged my entire apartment and lit a house-blessing candle. Witches understand the importance of cleaning energies as well as dust and skin particles. To celebrate the completion of my freedom and multi-day cleaning binge, I drew myself a bath. Taking a bath is a form of cleansing water magic, by the way, especially if you throw a Witch Baby bath bomb in there. So many people are already witches casting spells and they don't even realize it.

I brought the Satisfyer Pro 2 with me into the tub. The waterproof sex toy is rose gold and looks like a pretty water gun with a suction cup at one end. The suction cup goes over your clit and uses negative pressure paired with pulsations that create a sensation different than anything I've previously experienced with standard vibrators. In my bathtub, I relaxed and came, and when I came I released a wave of fluids that was definitely not bathwater, and no, it wasn't pee. The sex toy made me squirt, and not only was I reminded of my magical powers, but holy moly, it turns out I'm a squirter.

While the fluid released during squirting is believed to come from the Skene's glands, located on the anterior wall of the vagina, unfortunately, like most things related to female sexuality, there's just not enough scientific research on the topic. Ever since that night in the bathtub, intense clitoral stimulation, either with a Satisfyer, or a Hitachi Magic Wand, or really good oral sex, makes me squirt. But some of my girlfriends squirt from deep G-spot stimulation. Research now shows that the clitoris extends inside the body, with wings up and around the labia, suggesting that all orgasms, even internal ones, are clitoral orgasms. So I can't promise that if you have a clitoris, the Satisfyer will make you squirt, but I can tell you that the pressure waves provide orgasms truly incomparable to traditional vibrators or even really good head. The Satisfyer 2 costs $50 and has spawned a whole set of other delightful toys that push sex tech (and orgasms) forward.

For instance, if you're someone who enjoys rabbit vibrators that give both internal and external stimulation, there is the Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit ($70). It's a rabbit vibrator that uses that same magical pressure wave technology. I gave one of these to a friend as a gift and after using it she texted me, "Who needs men?"

For those of you who are curious about the pressure wave technology, but aren't ready to give up vibrators, Satisfyer now has a version that couples that magic suction cup with traditional vibrations, and holy shit, this one re-blew my mind (and ruined some sheets). It's called the Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration, it costs $70, and it's a pretty white with rose gold trim.

For the world-traveler, there's the Satisfyer Pro Traveler ($50) that clicks together into a black travel case that the TSA will think is just a cute wallet. They also make a couple's version, which snuggly fits inside the vagina and stimulates both the clitoris and your partner's penis, and finally, there's an adorable mini-version that looks like a penguin.

The Satisfyer will always be sacred to me as it reminded me of my magical powers (squirting and independence) in a time of need, and since then, has continued to act as a great source of pleasure. Anyone with a clitoris should give it a go, as it truly is unlike other vibrators, and variety is the spice of life. If you're gross like me and use it so often it becomes covered in sex goo, may I suggest the UVee sex toy cleaner? It's important to clean sex toys after use to zap up bacteria because we want orgasms, not a UTI. And just like baths, and masturbating, by the way, cleaning is totally witchy. Why do you think brooms are so iconic? If you're masturbating in the bathtub and then cleaning your sex toys after, you're already casting like three spells at once. Look at you, hot witch.

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