Narcissists can be a lot of fun. They often make a great first impression, as they’re eager to charm and make sure that you—yes, you!—know how great they are. Over time, of course, interacting with a narcissist becomes less exciting, as they reveal themselves as self-absorbed, putting themselves before anyone else. That’s why it’s important to know how to spot a narcissist in your life and, honestly, consider whether you may have your own narcissistic tendencies.

Less talked about are the long-term effects from interacting with narcissists. Usually the advice for dealing with them is to set clear boundaries and make sure they don’t overwhelm your own sense of self. But what if your parents are narcissists—what does that do to your long-term development? And how can the rest of us spot people who were raised by narcissists, and (hopefully) help them?

In a MedCircle video posted on YouTube, Dr. Seth Meyers (not that Seth Meyers) gives a straightforward overview of narcissism (and its related but more damaging form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD), which includes an overly inflated sense of self and difficulty forming meaningful relationships. Boiled down, Meyers explains, “A narcissist is not who they appear to be on the surface.”

That has repercussions for someone raised by narcissists, as Meyers lays out. Even as adults, the children of narcissists may never feel good enough, or worthy of love. They may beat themselves up over imagined failings, which can affect their romantic relationships. And because the roots of these feelings run deep, the person may not even recognize their source. Recognizing the effects of being raised by narcissists, as Meyers explains, can help partners who may otherwise be at a loss when it comes to these deep, potent emotions.

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